Saturday, January 18, 2014

Five Offbeat Predictions for 2014

The New Year is upon us and it's time to ponder the future.

Some forecasters play it safe by predicting Brad and Angelina will break up.

Not I.

I'm offering five mind-boggling predictions for 2014.

NFL Plays First Game On Moon

Sports fans rejoice! The NFL decides to have its first game in outer space. Watch in awe as the New England Patriots square off against the Miami Dolphins. Zero gravity will make for exciting action, as players somersault skyward, hoping their suits don't tear. Of course, the losing team will be stranded on the lunar surface until next year.

Miley Cyrus Cloned for Broadway

Theatrical producers hire a scientist to clone pop sensation Miley Cyrus. The medical miracle will allow the controversial singer to perform every role in a Broadway revival of "Cats." Where do the box office receipts go with the added feline twerking? You guessed it, through the roof.

Apple Saves Detroit From Bankruptcy

Tech giant Apple Inc. reveals it will use a chunk of its cash hoard to pay Detroit's long list of creditors. The company renames the city Appleville and develops new technology to rid the Motor City of urban blight. Starting with the laser app, iSore.

Kim Kardashian Added to Mt. Rushmore

Fans of reality star Kim Kardashian will have plenty to talk about as their idol is added to Mt. Rushmore. Sure she's not a president, but some folks in high places press to have her kisser chiseled in granite. The entire project will be part of a reality show on A&E called "Rock On!"

Washington Tornado

A giant twister will scoop up the Lincoln Memorial and place it hundreds of miles away in Pigeon Forge. The task of moving it back to D.C. is deemed too expensive, so the structure will remain where it landed. Making it the second biggest tourist attraction in Tennessee, next to Dollywood.

So there you have it, several offbeat predictions for a memorable 2014.

Happy New Year!

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